It's All Relatives
by TroublesDaughter
Summary: Hawkeye's niece, a gormet chef and nurse, gets assigned to the 4077. Hawkeye is thrilled, until Charles begins to take an interest in more than just her cooking. Hawkeye tries to set her up with almost everyone, but she has her eye on someone else
1. Letters

I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. Now that that's over on with the story.

The Swamp was in it's usual shambles, Hawkeye and BJ just finishing off a martini when Radar came around with the mail.

"I have two for BJ, six for Charles, and two for Hawkeye." Radar put the letters for BJ down next to the still; and handed Hawkeye his.

"Thanks Radar." BJ said opening up a letter.

"Radar, I cannot express my gratitude for your quick and efficient delivery of my letters, I shutter to think what would happen to them if they were in less capable hands. Speak of the devil." Klinger came in with a smile.

"Cut that out." Radar said irritably. Hawkeye looked amused.

"Something bothering you Radar? "

"Yes, no, I don't know." Radar said exiting the tent.

"Sir, I just came to inform you that Dr. Freedman and the others will be here on Thursday night for the poker game." Klinger turned on heel and walked out the door.

Hawkeye looked back at BJ who was pouring over a letter from his wife, Peg, and small smile was set on his face. Charles was pouring over a letter from his sister. BJ finished his letter and put it under his pillow. "You're new nudist magazine came in I see." BJ said with a laugh, "What else did you get?" Hawkeye looked down at his letter.

"Hey would you look at this I got a letter from my niece. I wonder if she's a nurse now, she said she'd write when she's all through school." Hawkeye said looking at the return address on the letter.

"Well what does it say?" BJ asked putting down his letter second letter. "This one isn't interesting it's another one of those coupons for the stores back home. I wonder if they ship to Korea."

"Hey, not only is she a nurse, she's coming to Korea." Hawkeye said with a smile. "Family here, that's a very nice surprise."

"How do you know she's coming here?" BJ asked.

"Says here in the letter, Her mother, my cousin, can get what ever she wants, she can guilt anybody into anything..." Hawkeye set the letter down on the table.

"I thought you said she was your niece." BJ said. "Your not changing your story on me are you?"

"Well she's actually my second cousin but I call her my niece it sounds nicer."

"You two close?" BJ asked picking up the letter and scanning it.

"Close? Are you kidding I'm the brother she never had." He laughed to himself and then looked at the letter again. "She'll be in Seoul tomorrow, tells you how slow the mail is."

"I'm going to ask Potter if I can go down to Seoul tonight and get her." He jumped up from his chair.

"I thought she didn't get to Seoul until tomorrow." Charles said looking up from his third letter.

"I never pass up a chance to go to Seoul." Hawkeye grinned. His grin however quickly vanished when he heard Radar shout in the compound.

"Choppers."


	2. Joan and Someone Else

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

"I need more A negative at this table, on the double." BJ said as he worked on the another bowel resection.

"This table would like to request some Jr. Mint's and a bag of Popcorn, the show's very long and I can't get up and leave the theater." Hawkeye said throwing a sponge in the bucket. "Clamp."

"Hawkeye, I'm all finished here. Would you like me to finish up this case so you can go get your niece? There's only one more person outside." Colonel Potter got a new pair of gloves and went over to Hawkeye's table.

"Yes, thanks, that'd be nice." Hawkeye moved out of the way, mumbled a few things to Colonel Potter and pointed to wound in the mans stomach. "That should just about do it then. Thanks."

Radar came running in followed by two man carrying a man with a severe chest wound. "Chopper just came in with this one, Battalion aid says that if he doesn't get patched up in a hurry he's not going to make it."

Hawkeye looked over at Charles who was currently in the middle of a rather tricky arterial graft. "Damn. Ok put him over here I'll do it." Hawkeye donned knew gloves and began giving instructions to the nurse.

An hour later Hawkeye was still working. BJ offered to take over. "Nah, I need to do this Beej, I'm already too far into the tricky part to switch. Will you do me a favor and go get Joan in Seoul."

"Yeah no problem." BJ walked out of the operating room.

"Hawkeye going to travel to Seoul to get his relations?" Colonel Potter asked as BJ walked into the scrub room. "It's just after dawn."

"No, he says he can't I'm going to go get her myself." BJ turned on the sink and washed his hands.

"Well as long as your going up to Seoul I need you to pick up someone else too. A new surgeon."

"What?" BJ stopped pulling off his shirt mid way to look at Colonel Potter incredulously.

"They decided that we need a new one, heaven knows we could use some new hands. We're so swamped half the time I'm surprised that you and Hawkeye haven't fainted on the job once or twice."

"Well ok, what's his name?" BJ pulled on his jacket and was holding open the door ready to leave.

"I don't know, they just told me he'd be coming, that's all."

A few hours later at the airport in Seoul, Joan Dorothy McRae stepped off an airplane while chatting with an attractive man she had met on the plane.

"Thank you very much." She smiled as he took her bag in his hand.

"It's not a problem." He said. "I haven't had anyone to carry anything for in a while, not since my wife divorced me, she got the kids too, her uncle was the judge." He rolled his eyes. "So where are you headed?"

"A MASH unit." She smiled slightly thinking of Hawkeye. She hadn't seen him in what seemed like an awful long time.

"Hey me too!" He said with smile. "I know quite a few people who are in a MASH unit, I used to be in one myself, I went home but now, I feel like that's who my family is, and I want to be with them."

"Really?" Joan tried to suppress a smile. "I have family at the unit I'm being stationed at, I know the feeling." The pair of them walked into a bar just a few hundred feet off the airstrip.

"We seem to have a lot in common you and I." He set down the bags next to a table and pulled out a chair for her.

"It would seem so." The waiter walked up to the table "I'll just have a water, please." The man she was with smiled and laughed a little.

"I'll take one too."

BJ walked into the bar looking around for a woman that fit the description Hawkeye had given. Five foot eight, dark blonde hair.

He walked up to the only woman in the bar "Are Joan McRae?"

Joan turned around and looked in surprise at BJ. "Oh, I thought my uncle was going to come get me." He looked a little uncomfortable. "Not that I don't mind you, it's quite alright."

BJ looked over at man across the table. "Are you the new surgeon?" The man nodded and then stood up.

"Not exactly new, I worked at MASH unit until 3 months ago, I was sent home and now I've come back."

BJ smiled. "It'll make things a lot easier." He looked at Joan, saw traces of the impish smile he had seen on Hawkeye. "Well let's get going."

The trip back to the 4077 was fairly quiet, it's not like you can hear much in the helicopter anyway.

Once they had landed on the upper pad they stood for a minute waiting for a jeep to come. Joan suddenly turned to her traveling companion.

"In all this time, I don't think I caught your name." He gave the corporal bringing the jeep up a look that seemed like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Oh, a Trapper; I mean John, John McIntyre." He continued to stare att he jeep coming up the road.

"Well Trapper, welcome to the 4077." Joan said. Out of the corner of her eye she saw BJ's mouth drop.


	3. Welcome Home

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

Radar slammed on the brakes of the jeep and jumped out hurling himself at Trapper; the largest smile ever seen was set upon his face. "Trapper, you dog, you! I can't believe it! What are you doing here?" He took off his hat in delight then whacked Trapper with it.

"Hey, Hey! Radar! Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" He punched him playfully on the shoulder. Trapper gave him a hug and then turned to BJ. "Sorry for not introducing myself earlier." He smiled apologetically. "I wanted Hawkeye to know first, I didn't count on Radar coming up to the pad to get us."

"That's alright." BJ smiled and the added quickly, "We had better get down there, this is going to be a big day for Hawkeye."

Joan and Trapper walked out of Colonel Potter's office half an hour later followed excitedly by Radar. "Boy it's just great having you back Captain McIntyre. It takes me back to the old days, with Colonel Blake…" He trailed off and then sighed. It was still painful to think about.

"Well, I'm glad I'm back." Trapper said after a few seconds of a rather uncomfortable silence. "Oh yes, Radar will you show Miss McRae to Major Houlihan's tent. I'm going to wait for Hawkeye back in the Swamp, I think I'll make some martinis."

BJ walked into the scrub room an hour later where Hawkeye was wearily taking off his scrubs. "You will not believe the amazing batch of martinis that are waiting back at the Swamp for you."

Hawkeye lifted a heavy eye towards BJ. "The only thing I want to see is the inside of my eyelids, not a martini."

BJ smiled slightly. "Well you never know, you might feel like one after you get back there." He lifted up Hawkeye by the arm and they walked back towards the Swamp.

Joan came out of Margaret's tent feeling slightly like she was in over her head. The Major made it sound as if there was no fun to be had. She had forgotten about Hawkeye though; that is to say until she ran smack into him.

"Oh I am so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was…Hawkeye Pierce!" She threw her arms around him and jumped on him.

"Joan!" He swung her around in his arms with a sudden burst of energy. He kissed her on the cheek and then grabbed her hand and dragged her along with him back to the Swamp.

"Joan, you wonderful thing you, I can't believe you're really here!" She held one hand onto her hat as Hawkeye spun her around.

"I'm not the only one who came today." She said with a laugh. She blocked the door to the Swamp and then said. "Wait here, I have something in there I want to give you, you can't see it yet." She ran through the door and threw her hat on the bed and grabbed the two martinis from the table. She walked back outside and handed him one.

"Here's to connecting with old friends." Hawkeye said as he took a sip. He pulled the glass away from his lips and looked at it quizzically. "I haven't had a martini that tasted like this since Trapper left. I wonder how BJ did it."

He smiled slightly and then said. "Can we go in now I want to you to see where I live." He opened the door and Joan walked in. She turned around and blocked the door.

"Oh Hawkeye," Joan said winking at Trapper who Hawkeye hadn't seen yet, as Hawkeye was outside the door. "I want you to meet the new surgeon. Give me that glass."

She moved out of the way and there stood, "Trapper John Xavier McIntyre, at your service."

"Trapper? Trapper? Trapper! You loon! What are you doing back here?" He tackled him to the ground, sending several _Sun Bather's Annual_ magazines in odd directions.

"I wasn't finished reading that story _the sun burnt fool_ in your nudist magazine." He grinned and stood up. "Besides, I told you I was coming."

"What?" Hawkeye picked up a bundle of letters from the table by his bunk. "You didn't I read everyone of these."

"I did so! I told you after my wife divorced me I was going to go back to be with my family." He smirked devilishly.

"Well then, Brother John." He took the martini glass he had handed to Joan and said, "Welcome home."

"Attention everybody! We got wounded coming in. First shift to surgery." Hawkeye looked out the door and glared at the loudspeaker that had just delivered the news.

"So much for our welcome home party, we'll have to have it later." Trapper said putting down his martini.

"Damn. Alright, I'll go to the scrub room and trade with Charles, I want to work with you today."

"Attention! Looks like there are more wounded coming both shifts to surgery."

"I don't need to now. Joan come with me." Hawkeye pulled her out into the compound. "Don't let Hot Lips scare you, she acts tough but she's really a softy."

Hawkeye led her over to triage, "You know how this works? Hot Lips has you all doing triage and someone come by to make sure you're right in a few seconds, critical conditions first, superficial last, you got that?" She nodded.

Charles came by right then, "Pierce, you need to get in there. I'm in charge of triage today."

"Right, Joan, this is Charles." Hawkeye gave a half smile and ran into the scrub room.


	4. Back in the Swing of Things

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

Thank you guys for being incredibly patient with me so far, school has had me beat I signed up for more difficult classes then I ought to of on top of Zero Period Choir and Rehearsals everyday. Because of this my updates might be bit spread out I'll try to do my best to set aside a couple of hours on the weekend to write. Thank you for being so understanding

_There used to be a part right here where I commented back to all you wonderful reviewers but I got told that Ffnet decided it's a bad idea for us to do that and now we can't…my opinion on that…well I'm not too happy. I want you to know i love you all and this is not making able to tell you personally but i really really appreciate you guys._

"That was new experience." Joan said taking off the mask and dropping it in the laundry bin. Hawkeye helped her off with her apron and patted her on the shoulder. "I don't know how you do it." She shook her head and yawned.

"You can't be tired!" Hawkeye teased. "We were only in there for 5 hours. That's not long at all considering some of the 48 hour days we've had to pull."

"I hope to I never have to do that." She said as they walked out of the scrub room.

"You'll have to eventually." Trapper said simply as he pulled off his cap. "It feels like I'm back home when I'm in surgery with you Hawk, strange."

The three of them walked over to the Officers Mess, where BJ was waiting. None of them seemed to notice that Charles, the man that rarely missed meal time, was missing.

_I know it was short but I wanted to get something up. R/R thanks!_


	5. String Quartet in CSharp

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

Joan wrinkled her brows at the slop that was put on her tray. "You certainly aren't calling this food are you?"

Igor just shrugged. "It's all we know how to do with what we get." Hawkeye entertained an impish smile but quickly hid it when Joan looked at him.

"I'm going to have to do something about this; it defies everything I stand for. You said the food was bad; you didn't say lethal." She sniffed the contents of her tray. "No, I'm going to have to break out my stock."

Trapper turned his head to the side to look past Hawkeye at Joan. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well you certainly realize didn't need 3 suitcases and a trunk for clothes," she said, blushing a little. "So I brought some seasonings and food stuffs…"

"Wait, you can cook?" Radar asked from behind her in line. She spun around, "Yes, I was a chef, and I went to culinary school before I decided to become a nurse."

"Well go! Quick like a bunny! Go get stuff ready and tonight we'll have a real feast for dinner!" Klinger yelled pushing her off towards the exit to the tent.

Joan fixed her hat as she walked back towards the Swamp, from which the sounds of music could be faintly heard.

"Hello." Joan said as she poked her head inside. Charles was sitting at his desk writing. "Sorry to disturb you, Charles. I left one of my bags in here that I need."

She smiled and went to pick up one of her suitcases.

"I fail to see why anyone needs as much luggage as you have brought with you." Charles said looking at the pile of suitcases on top of the trunk.

"Well it's not just clothes and things. I brought food, spices, and things of the sort." She smiled slightly. "I'm making dinner tonight for everybody."

"You are making dinner? I wasn't aware you were so…talented." He studied her for a second and then said, "Now, are you talking Sloppy Joe or Pâté and caviar?"

Joan laughed, "For tonight, I was thinking some sort of Italian dish. I can however, do both Sloppy Joes and Pâté and everything below, above, and in between for that matter."

"I can see then, that you do not take after your well meaning, but, culturally deprived uncle. I congratulate you."

Joan smiled and opened the door with her suitcase. "Yes, I love him anyway, even though he probably couldn't tell that you were listening to Beethoven's String Quartet in C-Sharp Minor Opus 131, if I'm not mistaken."

She walked out of the door and Charles watched her leave with his mouth open in astonishment.

When it came time for dinner everyone was waiting anxiously in line for the food to come out. Joan finally came out followed by Igor and his rolling cart with covered food on it. "I'm really sorry, everyone." Joan said. "I hope you won't think the worst of me, it's quite possibly, no undoubtedly the worst dish I've ever created." She frowned as Igor uncovered the Italian chicken. Next to the Chicken were bread, some pasta, and the vegetables. Igor proceeded to bring out a large vat with a ladle. "Pesto," Joan said uncomfortably. "I couldn't get enough tomatoes to make the sauce I wanted to make."

Contrary to Joan's opinion of the food every person in line was eyeing it lustfully as if it were the best thing they had ever seen.

Captain Spalding (A/N: Heck yes I brought him in, he was freaking awesome in Season 3) ran up in line and kissed her right on the mouth.

Her eyes widened and she blushed even more. "You are the best thing to hit this place since…the hole in the nurses' shower!"

"There's a hole in the nurses' shower?"

Thanks everybody for being so patient with me! Extra hugs to Margaret my BETA and new favortie person of the day. Once again leave and thoughts comments, concerns, tramatics childhood or bass fishing expeirences.


	6. Strike up a Deal

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

Joan was making herself comfortable in the nurses tent when a knock came from the door.

"Come in." Trapper stepped through the door.

"Joan, there's a movie tonight want to go?"

"I'd like to, but not tonight I'm afraid I need to get all my things squared away, and then turn in." She said as she shoved her footlocker under her bunk.

"Casablanca." Trapper grinned. "Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Peter Lorre. You know you want to see it."

"Perhaps next week. I really need to unpack." She motioned to her suitcase and smiled, "I have a lot."

"Oh come on you can unpack later." Trapper grabbed her by the arm and lead her out of the tent.

"Really I can't." She protested as Trapper practically dragged her across the compound. "No, Trapper, I can't. I need to get settled."

"Well how about just a quick drink then?" He changed direction and headed towards the Swamp.

"None of that bathtub swill for me thanks; I have enough trouble holding hard liquor. I don't need to drink my liver's worst nightmare."

Hawkeye emerged from the entrance of the Swamp holding a martini. "Did someone mention a want for our gin?"

"I believe my exact words were 'my liver's worst nightmare'" Joan smirked.

"Then yes I did hear you correctly! Have some, it'll relax you." Hawkeye held out the glass to her.

"Relax me right into a state of inebriation." She pushed the glass away. "I prefer wine, thank you very much." She said, eyeing a rather nice cabernet by Charles's bunk.

"That would be Charles's, my dear, you are most assuredly inebriated if you think that he'd share that." BJ said, looking up from the sock he was darning.

"Really?" She got up and went over to his bunk. "Does he always get this much stuff from home?" She picked up a jar of caviar. "Doesn't he share?"

"I didn't think it proper, or constructive, to let any of these unsophisticated rummies touch such delicacies. Pardon me, but they would not appreciate the quality found in such items." Charles said entering the Swamp.

"It seems to me that if one was forced into a situation where the had to eat pheasant from a can," Joan picked up one of the canned pheasants, "one would prefer an actual pheasant baked in a wine sauce or nicely prepared Stuffed Breast of Pheasant En Croute."

"Naturally, but one must make due when times are trying." Charles said.

"Well, then do I suppose correctly when I say that you would be willing to make a deal in order to obtain freshly cooked and prepared dishes?" Joan sat back on Charles's bunk.

"I believe you assume correctly. I would indeed be willing to do business with anyone who could provide me with that." Charles leaned forward in interest. "Would you happen to be in the business of doing this?"

"Perhaps." Joan said lightly. "But I haven't time to talk about it now, I'm going to the movie."

Trapper gave Hawkeye and inquisitive look which Hawkeye just smiled at and lipped back "Watch"

"Ah perhaps you could stay here and enjoy some wine with me and discuss some kind of arrangement while everyone else is at the movie." Charles half pleaded while trying to remain a cool air.

"I wouldn't dream of standing poor Trapper up like that, no. It'll have to be a different night." She said looking back at Trapper.

"Ah, I'm sure Mr. McIntyre wouldn't mind losing his date for tonight in the interest of culinary advancement. Would you, John?" He nodded in Trapper's direction.

"Oh, no. Go right ahead and stay and drink Charles's booze. Just make sure you save a glass for me." Trapper winked.

"Are you quite certain? I wouldn't want to ruin you evening." Joan looked concerned.

"The man said it was fine as long as we save him a glass of wine, so please stay a while and chat with me." Charles patted on the door frame impatiently.

"Well alright if your certain, but save me a seat I shan't be long." Joan smiled Trapper and gave Hawkeye a wink.

BJ stood up and filled a canteen with the gin for the three of them to share at the movie. As they were just about to walk out the door BJ turned and saluted to Joan. "Lieutenant, that was beautiful."

Hawkeye, BJ, and Trapper made their way over to the mess tent talking about what had just happened. "I taught her everything she knows." Hawkeye said proudly.

"I doubt it," BJ laughed, "You don't have the patience to play hard-to-get for that long."

"As I recall, Hawk, you couldn't hold out for more then two sentences before breaking into a fit of anger at not getting what you want. Remember the time when we tried to get the incubator?" Trapper smiled and then added, "In the end all we had to do was ask Radar for it."

"Yes that's true, speaking of which… Radar!" Hawkeye waved to get his attention. "Everything all set"

Radar nodded and ran into the mess tent.

Meanwhile back at the Swamp, Joan and Charles were leaning close together over a piece of paper and pen.

_There used to be a part right here where I commented back to all you wonderful reviewers but I got told that Ffnet decided it's a bad idea for us to do that and now we can't…my opinion on that…well I'm not too happy. I want you to know i love you all and this is not making able to tell you personally but i really really appreciate you guys._


	7. Distraction

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

"Hawk, are you sure I won't get in trouble for this?" Radar asked nervously as he began moving Charles's foot locker out of the Swamp.

"I'm positive, Radar. Have I ever gotten anyone in trouble?" Hawkeye grabbed Charles's box of letters and began to pile all the papers in sight into it.

"As I recall, yes." Radar said.

"Really? Name one time." Hawkeye said, grabbing a bottle of Charles's cognac and examining the label.

"The time we stole the general's jeep at Kimpo when we went to go pick up BJ." Radar answered, eyes widening. "Major Burns got dragged all the way back to Seoul!"

"Alright, so maybe once." Hawkeye said dismissively, "But just that once."

"Oh really?" Radar shouted. He then lowered his voice. "How about the time when you got Major Burns…"

Hawkeye cut him off, "I said, 'have I ever gotten _anyone_ in trouble'. Frank Burns is a Ferret, there for technically not an anyone."

"Amen." Trapper came into take Charles's bunk when Hawkeye made the last statement. "I'm all finished moving the tables and things. Listen, Radar, we didn't tell you what we're going to do with all this stuff. You only followed orders; you can't get in trouble."

Trapper folded up the bed and followed Hawkeye and Radar out the door and across the compound to the Officer's Club where Sydney Freedman was waiting for them.

Radar shook his head. "Somehow, someway, Major Winchester is going to find a way to get me in trouble for helping you guys."

"What would be the fun if he didn't?" Hawkeye laughed. "I hope Beej has enough distraction in him to keep Charles occupied for a few more minutes."

"Oh, Charles could be in there all year." Trapper said confidently. "No need to worry about that."

"What's BJ up to that's keeping him so interested?" Hawkeye asked.

"Joan." Trapper said simply.

"What do you mean Joan?" Hawkeye raised an eyebrow.

"Well, BJ was floundering after the first ten minutes, couldn't think of anything to keep Charles in Post Op for any longer, so he sent Klinger out to find Joan and tell her to come in, coughing up a storm." Trapper smirked. "According to Klinger, Joan comes in there coughing and wheezing in the most pitiful way, and Charles just eats it up."

"What did Joan tell him she had done to start coughing like that?" Hawkeye said.

"I don't know, you'll have to ask BJ. Klinger had to shove off right after he told me that Charles was sufficiently taken care of." Trapper held open the door to the Officers Club and Radar shoved the footlocker in.

"Radar, go tell Beej I need to see him to begin phase two. Tell Klinger to give us a hand, and you stay in Post Op. Give us a heads up when Charles comes out." Hawkeye said kicking the footlocker further into the room.

Sydney, who had been setting up in the Officer's Club, grabbed Charles's bunk from Trapper.

Radar ran back across the compound to Post Op. He pushed open the door to see Charles, with a stethoscope pressed against Joan's back

"Well, we've gone over everything you've done today, and what you ate." BJ said, falling back on the empty bed next to where Joan was sitting.

"Well let's see maybe I missed something…" She was silent for a moment, and was counting things off on her fingers.

Radar took the opportunity to tell BJ and Klinger that Hawkeye wanted them. "Captain Hunnicut, Klinger, Colonel Potter wants to see you both." Radar leaned on the wall right next to the door.

BJ nodded and as he moved past Radar whispered softly, "Is this…Hawkeye?" He didn't wait for an answer but moved on, not wanting to look suspicious.

Joan saw Charles look over at the door. She sprung into another coughing fit, "accidentally" whacking Charles as she did so. Radar, seeing the distraction, whispered as Klinger went by, "Hawkeye. Officer's Club." Klinger nodded and kept on walking.

Joan lessoned her coughing fit and took a few deep breaths. Charles looked puzzled for a moment. "Are you allergic to anything else besides cigarette smoke?"

Joan shook her head. "Not that I'm aware of, and cigarettes don't make me cough like this, I usually throw up." She kind of smiled.

Charles furrowed his brows, "Perhaps, subconsciously you are doing this as the result of some unpleasant feelings."

"Psychosomatic?" Joan asked raising her eyebrows. She couldn't think of anything else to keep Charles busy so she went with it. "Maybe, I don't know what set it off though, it seems the only logical conclusion."

Charles thought a moment. "Sydney Freedman is here today, I'll go get him for you."

Radar jumped, "I'll get him for you, sir!" Without even waiting for Charles to tell him it was alright, Radar rushed out.

"Major Freedman!" Radar shouted as he tripped and then tumbled into the Officer's Club. "Charles wants you to examine Joan, he thinks she coughing because of Psycho… something."

"Psychosomatic." Sydney said with a nod. "Well we'll see what Joan and I can come up with, this may mean you need another person to stall Charles."

When Sydney Freedman and Radar entered Post Op Charles was at the table writing something and Joan sitting on the edge of a bed.

Joan turned to make sure Charles's back was turned before quietly getting up and walking over to Major Freedman. "I don't know how to keep him in here any longer." She bit her lip and then shrugged and went back and sat down coughing more. Charles didn't turn yet so she said loudly, "You must be Dr. Freedman!" She got up and shook his hand. "My uncle holds you in such high esteem."

Charles came over and nodded to Sydney. "Dr. Freedman. I shall leave you to your work. If you require any assistance, please do not hesitate to call upon me."

"I'll be more then happy to do that." Sydney said. He looked over at Joan, biting his lip.

"Why don't you stay?" Joan asked, she went into a coughing fit, again.

"I would never presume to intrude upon such meetings Miss McRae, it would be more professional, if I left."

"Oh…" Said Joan, coughing a little more. "But really could you stay? It's rather comforting to have you here." She held her breath, waiting for a response.

Charles seemed to deliberate for a moment. Sydney spoke up then. "It might be helpful, Charles. It is best for my work, if the patient is at ease."

Charles nodded and sat back down at the desk at the other end of the room. Radar let out a breath of relief.

Joan looked over at Radar, and then back at Dr. Freedman. She shrugged and then in a falsely confident voice said. "Well where should we begin? My Childhood perhaps?"

Sydney nodded, this was going to be interesting, "So Miss McRae, did you grow up in Crab Apple Cove, like Hawkeye?"

"Yes, yes, I did." She coughed some more and sent Sydney a pleading look.

Sydney suddenly looked over at Charles and said. "Could I have some paper and a pen please?" Charles wordlessly got up, handed him a notepad with a pen, and then returned to the desk to continue doing paperwork. Sydney quickly scribbled something on the paper and silently handed it to Joan.

Joan looked down and the paper and pretended to have another coughing fit. The note read. _"Just keep telling me about how wonderful everyone thought Hawkeye was back home; all the good things he did. Make them up if you have to."_

Joan grabbed then pen from his hand and coughed again, making up for the silence between them.

"What was your family like?" Sydney continued as Joan wrote on the paper.

Joan handed him back the paper and then said, "My Family? Well My mother was very nice person she was sick a lot though, so I had to take care of her a lot, because my dad died when I was really young. I didn't have any siblings."

Sydney dropped his eyes to the note, which read, _"Inferiority complex? I can do that, no problem. I got lots of stories about Hawkeye with having to make any up. Haha."_

Sydney smiled slightly and thought, 'I should have known'

_Mucho Apologies! It's a been a while in coming and this chapter isn't interesting in the slightest, but it's just setting up for next chapter. Ok Thanks everyone for being patient!_

_Please leave questions, comments, suggestions, concerns, or whatever in a review._


	8. Making Things Up

**I do not (and probably never will) own MASH or any character from the T.V. show, Movie, or books. I do however own Joan Dorothy McRae. Now that that's over on with the story.**

The conversation continued for another twenty minutes. Charles continued to do paper work, but looked up at Joan every so often. Finally as Charles was getting up from the desk Sydney announced, "I honestly don't think it's psychosomatic." He looked over at Charles. "Is there anything medically wrong with her other than the coughing?"

"She just appears to be having an allergic reaction to something." Charles said looking at Joan's face intently. "Has anything changed since you've been in here?"

"My eyes have stopped itching." She said. "I must have just been allergic to something outside, and it's getting better in here."

Radar walked into the room and nodded at Sydney. "Major Freedman, they're ready to start the poker game." Radar's entrance meant that Hawkeye, BJ, and Trapper were all finished with their prank.

"Oh right, I'm coming." Sydney said gathering up his hat. He nodded to Charles and Joan before exiting with Radar.

Charles and Joan sat in an awkward silence before Charles finally spoke, "We should see about getting you some antihistamines." He stood up straight and motioned for her to follow him. "They should be in the store room."

Joan and Charles exited the Post Op and walked across the compound silently. Upon reaching the door store room Charles opened the door and stepped aside so Joan could enter first. Joan uttered a small thank you and waited for Charles to shut the door and resume the lead to the medicine.

"You're lucky we have some left." Charles said, making a stab at conversation. "When we inoculated the children from the orphanage they had an allergic reaction, almost depleted our supply."

"They were all allergic?" Joan asked as she watched Charles consult the clipboard.

"Yes, they had been eating horse meat, which gave them a bad reaction to the serum." Charles found the antihistamines on the clipboard and proceeded to the shelf where they were stored. "These ought to help your symptoms." He handed her bottle of the pills.

"Thank you." Joan said, beginning to put the bottle in her pocket.

"You should probably take one now." Charles suggested.

"Oh, right." Joan took one of the pills from the bottle and looked at it nervously. She had to take the pill or give the whole prank away. "You know I never could swallow the things without water." She said lamely thinking of an excuse. "I'll go to the mess tent and get some."

"Allow me to accompany you." Charles said, graciously extending an arm. Joan smiled nervously looping her own arm nervously through Charles's. As they walked out into the sunlight Joan noticed Hawkeye standing nonchalantly outside the Officer's Club. Hawkeye sent her a quizzical look. Joan shook her head at him and sighed.

Once inside the Mess Tent Joan looked for another excuse not to take the pill. She walked slowly over to the water and picked up the pitcher. She winced at what she knew was going to have to come next. She turned around and walked back towards Charles smiling. "It's so nice of you to do all of this for me. You really don't know how much it means to…" Joan changed her plan last second, instead of dumping the water on Charles, she dropped in on the floor and she pretended to trip right into Charles's arms.

"Careful, Miss McRae." Charles said, straightening them both up.

"I'm so sorry." Joan blushed. " I really am a klutz." She crossed her fingers that he would forget about the medicine.

"I've heard that ballet dancers are the most uncoordinated people around, when they are not dancing." He offered.

"How interesting." Joan took a step back. "I'd quite forgotten Charles I'd promised to make you dinner tonight. If I am going to do that I need to get started."

"Indeed, I had not forgotten." Charles replied with a smile, "I actually was hoping that I could observe your culinary prowess."

"Oh. How flattering." Joan sighed.

Outside Hawkeye was becoming increasingly impatient. "I don't understand this guy! First we can barely get him to stay, now it's impossible to get him to leave."

"Did Radar give Joan the signal?" BJ asked.

"Yes, he said he walked in, told Sydney the poker game had started and they both left." Hawkeye answered. "I'm going in there."

"Better not Hawk." BJ replied. "If you went in and tried to get him to come to the Club he would know something is up. It would be better to send Trapper in for Joan and see if Charles will follow."

Trapper sauntered into the mess tent. "Joan?" When he received no reply he walked further back and into the kitchen. "There you are Joan!" He said with a smile.

"Hello Trapper." Joan wiped her brow with her sleeve.

"I came to see if you would come to the Officers Club and maybe have a drink with me." Trapper looked sideways at Charles.

"I'd love to, in just two more minutes. I just have to get this in the oven." She quickly transferred the contents of the pan she was holding into a metal baking dish.

"Could you open the oven for me?" She asked Trapper.  
"Of course." Trapper pulled open the door and shut it tightly after Joan had placed the dish in. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, only I need to come back and check on it in about an hour." She swept a lock of hair that had escaped from her ponytail behind her ear. "Are you going to come Charles?"

"Ah, well I have some dictations to catch up on before dinner. I shall retire back to my quarters for the meantime." Charles said, nodding his head at the last part.

As Charles swung open the door Joan called out, "Well if you get bored, do come and join us."

_Wow, it's been a while... that is all i can really say. _


End file.
